Friday, September 7

How to quit smoking without killing your friends....... 3 helpful tips...

There's been, in my half-assed quest to quit smoking cold-turkey these past couple of weeks, a few gentle rules I've discovered to help ease the pain of withdrawal.

1. Inform Those Around You of Your Quitting Efforts.

I chose to inform those I know and love of my struggle early. About a week before my quitting date (you should always set a firm date to stop) I stopped buying cigs and started pissing off all my smoking friends by bumming cigarettes from them. Increasing knowledge of my new quitting drive each time they told me to buy my own damn cigarettes. Once the day came that I actually stopped puffing away it came as no surprise to anyone when I screamed "I'M THIS CLOSE TO RIPPING YOUR FACE OFF!" to the poor man at the Jukebox who refused to play Michael Jackson.

2. Isolate Yourself from Cigarettes for at least 24-hours.

This step is perhaps most important. I chose to isolate myself from cigarettes by being too poor to afford even a single pack. Wise planning ahead of time meant that when the shit hit the fan, I couldn't just stroll to the corner store for a fix. Make sure the smokers you know and love are aware of your quitting (see Rule #1 above) so they can withhold their tasty addictions from your prying grasp. Nobody likes a bum, especially one who keeps telling the world they're on their last smoke. So keep to yourself, locked away somewhere, until the banging sensation in your head begins to let up...

3. Try New and Fun (or Old and Boring) Activities!

I just took a steaming pan of sugar cookies out of my oven. And while it may be 1:00 in the morning, I know that my hands weren't idle, and wringing over a little nicotine... they were forming balls of fat and sugar into tasty morsels. Now, it's important to remember that smoking isn't just an addiction - it's a diet plan. So I won't be eating any of these cookies. I've taken far too many dietary supplements (read: speed pills) to choke any of those puppies down. These pans of fresh sugary delight will be devoured by my gay caretakers/roommates/whatever. Why don't you try something new? Cook! Read! Paint! Make handprints in mud! Whatever you do, make sure it can be done in little nibbles, like a smoke break, for at least a small amount of time. Grand ideas are perfect to piece together during those moments you're really craving a cigarette. Line up a few of these small projects and you'll be on your way. I can't say your brain is going to understand everything that's happening to it - but with plenty of distractions it won't matter what your brain thinks.

So there you have it. 3 simple rules to make cold-turkey a little less frightening. Granted, I've only been smoke free for about 56 hours now... but I haven't killed anyone! So trust me when I say that the tips above, really work.


Chox said...

Now that is probably one of the most brilliant things I've ever read.

DanNation said...

OK - I need to quit AGAIN. I'll take 'yo l'il 'ole advice!