Thursday, September 20

In Deference To Others: The Aftermath of Change

"I feel so good right now, so good. My mind is clear, my body feels awesome, JR and I had the greatest sex last night, no fighting or anything. I just feel so wonderful - and I'm so happy to have you watching my back."

One phone call and I knew that things had changed. With one call from our third roommate I had proof that my letter had made a difference, that standing up and speaking directly to the issues could provide the bit of momentum that is required to change a life. It's not that he had wanted to be partying all the time, not that he loved coke or staying out 'til 3am and then skipping work, things just ended up that way. He had folded to the desires of others, those desires which we unconciously allow ourselves to follow even though the path which they lead down is visible - and dangerous. His situation was also unique because of a divorce that was unfolding as his first gay relationship in 10 years was growing, he had married his fag-hag and had a beautiful child - but the facade could not be maintained, and things were being dissolved. What's interesting is that his boyfriend was the influence for all the drugs and drink, their schedules diverging because of B's professional engagements, and JR's managerial role at said underwhelming bar/grill. A bit of turbulence when the issue of settling down was raised occured between the two of them. I bowed to their issues and gave as much support to my roommate as I could, niether encouraging him to change his relationship with JR, or change his relationship with me... all I reminded him of constantly was how strong he was to stand up for his own health and sanity, and how little change his life really required to be amazing. For if we can't see how easy it is to be happy in our lives, then we will never take the steps that can lead us to happiness.

Which brings me to John, the other roommate, who has - thus far - remained out of this post, even though he is the reason for it. I wanted to tell the story about B and his transformation that came about during the middle of January. Our move into the new house has disrupted all of our past schedules and habits, but also provided a fresh foundation for awesome times and a funky pad located close to all the gay hotspots of Cleveland (which aren't all that hot, but whatever, at least they're gay). John, it troubles me to say, hasn't quite accepted that a fresh start is what we need, and he's brought along his horrible habits - ghetto attitude of irrational entitlement - and dirt-ball stoner/loser habits. That description sounds rough, so how about I build a little background picture for you...

John: The Man Who Wasn't (a Man That is...)

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